The Benefits of Enduring Discomfort & Embracing The Unfamiliar
I'm in a great place in life right now, but it all started with the difficulty and discomfort of traveling down a dark and unfamiliar road.
It’s sunny and about 50 degrees today, so I decided to take a non-smoke break (at work) and go for a quick walk.
I was moved to tears (of joy & gratitude) as my mind went back to just a few years ago when I was doing the same job I am now, under very different circumstances.
The environment there was not ideal. In fact, it was quite toxic.
I was working for someone who, instead of trying to challenge and grow me, used their position to demean, disrespect, belittle and try to embarrass me in front of my colleagues on several occasions. To this day, I don’t know the purpose or motive behind it all.
I have NEVER had a supervisor not approve of my work. Even if we weren’t friends, they were all adult, mature, and professional enough to maintain a positive working relationship... Not so here, and it was extremely stressful.
At one point, I wasn’t sleeping and I was losing my hair, because I take pride in my work, and I had never had a “boss” make it known that they didn’t like me, and then discount my work because of it.
To be clear, my job performance was in no way subpar...it was far beyond that.
In fact, right before I left, I found out, that I had one of, if not THE highest number of customers who would reach out to my supervisor, to praise my work.
That didn’t matter though, because there was always something wrong with what I did....Always. With everything.
I tried to resolve the issue several times in several different ways, including having what I thought was a heart-to-heart, but what I shared in confidence was twisted and used against me openly.
One day, I had had enough. I made a vow to God, that no matter how unprofessional and mean this person was, I would not speak of her or the situation at all, unless it was to cover her in prayer.
Yep. I began to pray for her. I mean really pray for her.
Whew, Chile!
Talk about a humbling experience.
It wasn’t funny then, but now I can laugh when I think about the first time I prayed.
It was literally 5 words.
(GOD! Help HER, PLEASE! Amen.)
Then I said, “Yep. That’s all I got.” lol
It wasn’t too long before my prayers grew; and consequently, so did I. Through those prayers, I began to see the truth: that whatever the issue was, it had nothing to do with me, and it was not my battle to fight.
It seemed like the more peaceful I became, the worse the situation became...even so, it could no longer rattle me. I was changed. I was in a different place. I was unaffected and unbothered by the drama.
My most important takeaways from this experience were:
1. When going through a tough time, know that it’s just a season and it shall pass. Even so, what you feel is real and should not be ignored. Acknowledge where you are right now; AND, also remember to look beyond today because you won’t be here forever.
2. Pick your battles and be sure what you win is worth the fight you take on.
When we feel attacked, our natural inclination is to defend ourselves; and at first, that is what I did.
However, when I realized that the fight offered me nothing that was worth what it cost me to engage (my peace)...i stopped... No matter how bad it got, I used restraint and I didn’t take the bait because "winning" would never give me what I really wanted, which was to be treated professionally and with respect.
I did document everything and contact the union lawyers to see what recourse I had to protect myself and my job...but engage directly - nah...it wasn't worthy of my energy or attention, so i gave it none.
In case you are wondering, I never did anything to get on this person’s “bad side”. ALL of this was their issue...and it was not an issue with me, but an issue within.
How a person treats others is a reflection of how they see themselves, so this was not my problem to solve.
3. Be true to you regardless of what others say/do. I could have used the poor treatment as an excuse to slack on my job, but I didn’t. I remained true to my character, and it paid off.
One way it paid off was that someone in a much higher position witnessed how I was being treated, and my reaction to it all. It wasn’t long after that, I was offered a job to work for that same person that witnessed an incident between us, thereby making it possible for me to leave the first job about 6 months earlier than I anticipated, and there was nothing anyone could say or do because I had handled myself and all affairs above reproach.
You-know-who didn’t like it but that didn’t matter. When it was time to go, I said “Thank you for the opportunity”, and moonwalked out of there. lol (Okay, I can’t moonwalk for real so that part was in my mind, but baby, if I could...) lol.
4. Lastly, I learned that the previous situation prepared me for my today. Had I not gone through the tough time, I would have remained comfortable and would probably still be there, stagnant, not challenged, not growing, and not being utilized to my full potential. (I’m not saying that place does everything wrong...they do many things right...it just was no longer right for me.)
Going through that discomfort forced me to step out and take a chance on God & myself. Yes, I was scared, but I followed my heart even though I didn’t have all of the answers, and now I am literally living my dream.
I am doing the same job with a lighter workload, way less stress, way more money, very nice perks, better benefits, and exposure to people, places and opportunities that never would have been afforded me, had I remained there.
I guess what I’m trying to say is if your path is difficult right now, keep chugging through the mud because better & brighter are ahead, and when you look back, you’ll see how the darkness helps us appreciate and prepare for what's to come.
